Ice Ice Baby

I laughed at the fact that governor Bev Perdue declared North Carolina in a state of emergency last night.  I smirked at the email from church saying that childcare and religious education was cancelled (but church was still open).  And then I attempted to drive to church this morning...

Being from Maine, I have years of experience driving in snow and ice.  The first time I ever drove in Driver's Ed. was in a blizzard.  I have an all wheel drive vehicle.  None of these things stopped me from sliding out of our neighborhood and into the street (I probably could have stopped, but saw nothing coming, so chose not to).  I should have turned around at the point, but figured it was just bad in the neighborhood and that the other roads would be fine.  WRONG!  Clearly North Carolina only owns one snowplow (which Amy said she saw on the news that it slid into a ditch last night!) and they don't know how to use sand and salt.  In fact-they didn't use it at all and nothing seemed to be plowed.  I slid in one spot on the way home, but not too bad. 

After finally making it home from church safely, I had to make the decision whether or not to pull my car into the driveway (it is downhill into the garage and a sheet of ice) or leave it on the sidewalk where it had good potential of being hit by another sliding car.  I made the ultimate decision to pull into the garage, using my Maine snow & ice driving skills.  Except I tapped the break toward the bottom of the hill and slid straight for the back of Andrew's truck.  It was so slow motion that I said "hang on Julian, we are going to hit Daddy's truck" Only we didn't, because I am awesome and stopped the car and maneuvered it into the garage safe and sound. This is what my driveway looked like at about 1:00 this afternoon (after the sun had melted some of the ice at the bottom of the driveway).  The entire thing was covered when I came home though.

In hindsight, Mass could have (and should have) been watched on TV and I now understand why Bev Perdue did what she did-because North Carolina sucks at clearing roads (I will refrain from ranting about my stand on her politics).  School is already closed for tomorrow because the back roads are still a mess, as is our neighborhood.  This would be laughable in the face of Mainahs!  I miss home.

Peak: Julian behaved fabulously at church without childcare!  He got so many compliments on his behavior.

Pitt: Can't say the same for his behavior at home.  I think he had a headache, he kept holding his head.  Poor baby. Poor tired Mommy.

Andre Update: My dearest Andre needs to learn how to send me e-mails that tell me how much he loves me and is thinking about me instead of just about taxes with zero words of encouragement.  I know your busy babe, but I need you.  No word today, just about boring tax stuff.

This Week in Pictures

This is Julian's favorite hat (Andrew's Beret).  He has it on his head at least once a day.  He has learned to say cheese when the camera comes out. This is his "cheeser".

This is the night Julian went to bed with his sunglasses on because he refused to take them off.

Sitting on the table-testing to see what he can get away with...

Someone has been going through Mommy's drawers...

Wearing 4T pants because I bought the wrong size!

And they almost fit :(

Being goofy and showing off his new hat.

Wearing Daddy's beret again!

           So Strong!

And my favorite pictures of the week:

Snuggling on Daddy's side of the bed!

Saturday Thoughts and Facts

*Julian and I had a pajama day. 

*My idea of a pajama day is changing out of your pajamas into comfy sweats and a nice long sleeve shirt.

*I can't bring myself to stay in what I wore the night before all day long.

*I made eggs, sausage, and waffles for breakfast this morning-just like Andrew always does for us on Saturday mornings.

*It snowed last night-a whole inch.  It has been freezing rain and sleet since 4:00 am.

*It took Julian and I forty minutes to get ready to go outside.

*We stayed outside for 4 1/2 minutes before he asked to go in.

*We had popcorn and chocolate milk when we came inside.  It was only 10am.

*He actually sat on the couch with me and watched half of Homeward Bound.

*He continuously barked at the TV.

*I bought 4T fleece pants at Children's Place by mistake yesterday.

*Julian is wearing them today and they fit with just one roll of the waste.

*I'm sad that he is so tall already :(

*Julian said "Bless You" when I sneezed today.

*He also said "thank you" several times without any prompts from me!

*Julian slept for 3 hours and I actually slept too instead of cleaning, watching tv, or reading.

*Julian can probably eat his weight in edamame beans, as could I.  He has officially mastered sucking the bean out of the shell.

*He pooped in the tub. Again.

*I managed to get his toenails and fingernails cut with no tears.

*We miss Daddy/Andre.

Peak:  Julian's fantastic behavior today!
Pitt: Andrew wasn't here to share our lazy snow/ice day.

Andre Update: He called at 1:00 this afternoon and he is finally at his "home" base! He is exhausted, but I am sure relieved to be back.  I'm happy too!  He also received his first package from us (which wasn't too exciting-it was just stuff he couldn't fit in his luggage going over).  Julian did put a picture in it though. 

Dinner = Fail

We are supposed to get sleet and snow (maybe an inch?) this weekend, possibly starting in the middle of the night.  School was obviously let out 2 hours early.  Everyone needs to get to the store to buy bread, milk, eggs, and butter.  You know-everything you need to make French Toast for a week.  That must be what everyone makes when trapped in their homes after the threat of an ice storm.  That isn't a joke either, the weathermen are literally worried about an ice storm (we could get up to a whole 1/4 inch of ice, wooooah).  I should dig out the ice storm picture from Maine in '98 when we were out of school for almost a month.  That's an ice storm!

Anyway, my friend Kelly's son, Luke turned the big ONE today.  He was supposed to have his birthday party but a lot of her family and friends would have to drive a good distance to get there (and they are coming from Winston-Salem where they are actually getting a decent amount of snow) so she had to postpone the big celebration.  We took Luke out to dinner at The Mash House instead.  We were not only celebrating his birthday, but his Daddy, Cliff's, Birthday too! (Happy 35th Cliff!

Once Luke realized our get together was for him (and his Daddy!), he was very excited! 

Julian was a monster baby for the majority of the evening.  He tried to climb over the back of the booth to get out, he tried to throw himself over the back of the booth, he was hitting me, scratching me, biting my sweater, screaming, crying...you name it, he probably did it.  Our waitress and the manager took turns holding him and walking him around the restaurant.  He must be getting sick of me because he wanted nothing to do with me.  Strangely, it didn't hurt my feelings, he just needed a fresh face and a fresh hug. At the end of the day, I know I am still the favorite (besides Daddy).

This however, was one of his finer moments:

The shot glass was holding the crayons that you color on the tables with. He kept dunking it in my water glass and throwing it back like a shot.  This was his final "shot"-he added the lemon and ice by himself.  I know Andrew spent a lot of quality time with him before he left...but where did the boy learn to take a shot?

Peak: Seeing Kelly, Cliff, and Luke to celebrate Luke and Cliff's birthday!
Pitt: Julian waking up at 5:30 and not going back to sleep, and then being crazy cranky at dinner!

Andre Update: Nothing today.  Hopefully he has finally made it back "home".

A Bushel and A Peck and A Hug Around the Neck!

Julian was Mr. Cranky Pants Crank-Meister McCrankerton today.  But none of that matters, because at least once an hour the boy stopped fussing just long enough to give his mommy a nice tight hug around the neck followed by several wet ones right on the pucker.  (And I do mean wet, because there was usually a little snot mixed in! Mmmm.) 

When he does that it makes me feel that, even though he is cranky and sad and not feeling well, I am doing a good job of being Mommy.  I often feel bad when I ignore him to fold a load of laundry or do the dishes.  I have even been feeling bad lately for dragging him all over town and not letting him just relax at home (although most of the outings we go on are for him, i.e. yoga, storytime, music...)  And then I worry that he is overscheduled.  I really need to quit my griping and worrying though-he needs this time to pass just as quickly as I do and looking back at the end of the day, he has plenty of one-on-one time with me and plenty of at home time too.  He is just so busy even at home that I forget how much time we do spend here, probably because I am constantly running after him.  Clearly, from all the hugs and kisses, I am doing something right!

Peak: Kisses Kisses Kisses, Hugs, Hugs, Kisses, Kisses, Hugs

Pitt: Cranky, Cranky, Cranky

Andre Update: STILL STUCK!  And his feet are wet :(  It has snowed the past few days where he is and he only has one pair of boots with him, therefore, he has wet feet.  So sad.  He has been there so long, that he has had to do laundry.  I talked to him on Facebook last night and on the phone this afternoon.  Boy do I miss that boy.  Kisses for you too Andre Zikowitzkowski.

Yoga & Windstorms

Julian and I started Mom & Tot yoga at Flourish Wellness Center this morning!  J still has a cold so he was a bit cranky, but I had fun anyway and it will be a blast when he is feeling better.  Audrey is a great instructor and I highly recommend this class! (Wouldn't I make a great commercial?) 

I feel like I am beginning to get into a steady deployment routine.  I try to find fun outings for J and I each morning, come home for lunch and a nap, have some outside time in the afternoon, eat dinner, play, play, play, and get ready for bed.  It is working out well and time is starting to pass more quickly.  I don't feel quite as overwhelmed as I was feeling last week, but there is still always something that needs to be done.  There is no more waiting for A to come home to watch J so that I can get things done, so I feel like if something needs to get done, I might as well do it right then and there-no procrastinating.  It may seem like a good outlook, but it's not really.  Not in my situation anyway, because then I rarely take a minute to rest.  Now that we are in a good, manageable play/eat/sleep routine, I need a better work routine.  I need to learn when to let certain things go until later, or even the next day.  I still have plenty of time to figure it out though!

Meanwhile...

We have had high winds here lately.  I went outside to rake leaves and pecans today (worst job ever, those nuts are so heavy to rake when they are in the shell!) and noticed all of the damage the wind had done.  I will just have to add the fence repair to the "honey-do" list I have started for my Father-in-Law to tackle on his next visit!  The list also contains: fix two leaky faucets, paint master bathroom, paint house exterior, fix floor moldings between rooms (almost all of them have come up since Andrew left), fix the vent in the office, and replace my garbage disposal!  That's all...ha!

3 of the fence posts that are pulling (or have already pulled) apart. (Andre, this is the side of the fence facing the new neighbor's house)

A close up of one of the pulled apart fence posts. (Still facing the new neighbor's house)

This is the worst of the fence.  It split so bad you can see right into the (Puerto Rican Jehovah Witness) neighbors' yard. 

Just some of the branches that fell from the giant pecan tree in our yard.  One of them even split in the middle.  This also shows some of the heavy badass pecans that I have to rake (Thankfully Andrew did 4 trashbags full before he left!)

Peak: All of the exercise I got (between yoga and 2 hours of raking), and dinner night at Melissa's!

Pitt: Realizing my fence needs repairing all the way around.

Andre Update: I have gotten to talk to him on Facebook chat the past 2 nights!  He is still away from "home" and a little frustrated with it.  But I think he is beginning to just laugh the ridiculousness of it all!  He is really missing home, and we are really missing him.  He will hopefully be getting lots of packages, letters, and presents soon as I have heard of lots of people sending love his way.  That should help, presents are fun! I love you, babshe!

23 days down, 342 to go.

J has a cold and just went to bed with a low grade fever.  He had normal sleeping patterns today (not like the excessive sleep he has been getting in previous days) so I thought he might be on the up.  The fever is telling me otherwise.  Thankfully he is not acting as if it is bothering him-minus the fact that he continuously feels the need to wipe his snot on my shoulder, pant legs, or knit blanket that my mom made for us.

After waking from our naps today (yes, I napped too!), the doorbell rang.  It was someone from Carolina Window Fashions coming to measure my back door window for the blinds I ordered.  I asked him to wait one minute before coming in so that I could turn off the alarm and put Abby outside.  J caught a glimpse of him and started jumping (well trying to, his feet don't exactly make it off the ground) and laughing.  He yelled "Daddy" right as I opened the door to let the man in and then he looked so let down, so defeated when he realized it wasn't Daddy.  He made me hold him while he pouted for a good, solid 5 minutes.  I debated sharing this story knowing that Andrew will read it.  In the end, Andrew, I hope this doesn't make you feel bad. I hope that instead it reminds you how much he loves you and that he will not forget you! He will simply look forward to your face at the door for the next 342 days!

Peak: I completely reorganized my bathroom, closet, and bedroom and scrubbed them down to the baseboards AND I took a nap!

Pitt: Julian not feeling well.

Andre Update: received a wonderful, loving email from him that brought me to tears. Happy tears because I have the most amazing husband. Ever.

This Week in Pictures

I meant to do this on Saturday, but completely forgot.  I will try to remember on future Saturday nights.

Pooping at the dinner table-Rude!

Waving to Daddy in a "Daddy Video"

Reaching for Jessamyn's birthday cake at her 2nd Birthday Party!

Peak: Julian slept-a ton! I was actually bored! AND I got to talk to Andre! Finally!

Pitt: Julian has a cold :(

Andre Update: As I said, he called this morning.  He was annoyed and bored.  Annoyed because he has been trying to leave the base he is at for 2 days to get back to his "home" base.  Either there have been no flights or there have been problems with the flight he is supposed to get on.  There is not much to do at the base he is at except get on the internet...which is faulty and takes 45 minutes to do anything.  So even that idea is out the window.  Hopefully he will be "home" soon and can start feeling settled again.

I love you, Andrew. Keep your heart up.

Looong Day

Today was slow!  I thought this time (bedtime!) would never come.  I welcome it with open arms.  Julian is asleep on his floor.  I tried moving him to his bed once already and he got out and fell asleep on the floor again.  I have a feeling he will be sleeping with me tonight.  I will sleep miserably, but he will sleep much better in my bed (than on his floor) and will be happier tomorrow.  The BIG problem is that he wakes up around 5:30 (or earlier) when he sleeps in my bed.  He will be headed back to his bed if he tries that nonsense tomorrow.

I had some good girl time (again!) tonight!  Caryn and Kim came over to watch the Bachelor (DVRed from last week-seriously, where would I be without that thing?)  Who am I kidding, where would I be without my girlfriends?  I am so glad we have kept our promises to eachother to hang out-often!  It helps me relax and get my mind off things.  Tonight is a new night for me...I didn't even put our dessert dishes into the dishwasher.  I am just leaving them for the morning.  I am that relaxed.  Although, I may wake up in a couple hours with a panic attack over it and just do it anyway!

I'm exhausted. Goodnight all!

Peak: Church and girl time
Pitt: The slowest, most boring afternoon. Ever.

Andre Update: STILL no word :(  He did call his mom this morning to wish her a Happy Birthday.  They said he sounded well.  But it has been a few days since I've heard his voice and I'm going crazy.  I am trying to be grateful though, at least our only communication isn't snail mail as it was in previous wars.  Sorry for being such a complainer!

20 days...

We are 20 days in. Tomorrow marks three weeks.  Things better start picking up soon, because this three weeks without him has been torture! 

I went out tonight with Britt, Amy, and Casey and had a babysitter for Julian.  We were supposed to go to the Dear John movie premiere, but Britt doesn't have an military id so they wouldn't let us in.  (Kim was supposed to go to, but poor Nathan is having a really tough time with his Daddy gone).  Amy and Casey got to see the movie while Britt and I went out to eat and walked around the mall.  It doesn't sound like much, but it was wonderfully relaxing.  Britt came over after and we drank wine and watched Superbad. The title explains it all, but it didn't stop us from laughing hysterically.

While I was bringing the babysitter home, Britt stayed with Julian.  She said he was walking all over the house saying "Daddyyyy. Daddyyyy." almost as if he was looking for him.  I know he has been saying it a lot, but to hear someone else tell me he was doing it literally made my heart ache. 

The rest of the guys from 1/321 who were deployed this past year came home today.  Thinking of how happy and relieved their families are to be reunited makes me so incredibly happy for them.  Is it pathetic to already be looking forward to our homecoming when we still have 49 weeks to go?  We're not even out of January...Blahhhhh.

Peak: Going out for the evening.

Pitt: There wasn't a specific pitt, it was a pretty good day. So I will go with the obvious-no Andre :(

Andrew Update: I got to talk to him on facebook for a little while last night before I went to bed.  I was able to tell him about the alarm situation, he wasn't pleased with the alarm company!  I'm just glad to know it works!

Googly Eyes, Potties, and Burgular Alarms

I was beginning to think that tonight's blog would be full of stories about Julian streaking through my house fully naked or the victory of his butt staying in the shopping cart through an entire grocery shopping trip (this is a first for him my friends, feel free to applaud).  But I stand corrected, what a day!  Read on.

Googly Eyes

Julian's doctor and my sister noticed that Julian's eyes sometimes seem a little lazy or even a little crossed.  The doctor noticed it when he hadn't slept all night and was exhausted, and Deb notices it in pictures.  He had an eye exam today (an hour away, in the middle of nowhere!) and everything is fine, just as I suspected!  He has thick skin on the inside of his eye near the bridge of his nose and it causes him to look cross eyed when a flash hits him in the corners of his eye or when he is sleepy.  We are going back in a month for a full vision exam-just because we can! Meaning tricare covers it, so we are taking advantage!

Potty Time

I bought Julian a potty today.  He has sat on it several times but only 'toots' on it.  He pushes when he is trying to pee, hence the gas.  After an hour of running back and forth to it he decided he was done with it, picked it up, and put it back in the box! 

Alarm Scare

I was finally rid of my anxiety...and then, while I was doing the dishes, my alarm went off!!  I grabbed Julian and ran into Andrew's closet where the "protection" is and called 911.  The alarm company and the police department each had an officer here within 3 minutes!  The police checked everywhere, even in the tree in the back yard.  They checked all of my windows and all of my doors and said I was locked up tight and very safe.  They stayed here while I called the alarm company to see what zone went off.  It was the window shatter guard for my back door and they said that the sensitivity on it was all the way up at a 10 (it is usually set at an 8) and that a loud noise could have set it off.  Julian knocked over a chair near the shatter guard about 3 seconds before the alarm went off, so I flipped the chair again while I was on the phone and asked if it was loud enough to set it off.  The technician said it definitely was!  Since the sensitivity was set so high it could have even gone off from Julian crying, Abby barking, or even a loud noise on the TV.  He asked if he should turn down the sensitivity, so I just had him turn it down to a 9.  Glad I got the alarm fixed yesterday-it works!

I don't think I have ever had my heart race that fast.  The adrenaline was almost unbearable.  I always fear that I would freeze in a situation like that, but I learned tonight that you are moved by adrenaline.

Peak: Julian sitting in the shopping cart for a full 45 minutes and then behaving so well at home that I was able to completely wash the refrigerator and freezer out, put away groceries, and reorganize the pantry.

Pitt: The alarm going off, obviously.

Andre Update: He is off his home base again for a bit and visiting 2nd Platoon.  He emailed me this morning to let me know.  Unfortunately everytime he is online is when Julian and I are off doing something for the day.  We try to get everything done pre-naptime to avoid snoozing in the car!

Rollercoaster Day

I was just about to start from the beginning and had to take a few minutes to remember where the beginning started.  Julian woke up at 4:45 this morning and when I started thinking about it, I honestly thought he did that yesterday, not today.  I guess it has been a long day!  Anyway, it was today that he did that and my rule is: no getting up before the sun!  I tried to put him in bed with me (mommy needed a snuggle) but he just wanted to play, so back in his bed he went.  He didn't stay there though.  He screamed by his door for a good 5 minutes while I laid in bed crying and feeling selfish for making him scream, but sure enough he climbed back in his bed and fell back asleep until 7:15.  When I went in to get him (I always brush my teeth and wash my face first) he was completely naked.  Not even a diaper!  He has been pulling off his diapers once in a while lately, but he did it all day today.  I finally realized he couldn't get it off when he had a onesie on.  I think I will get him a potty to get used to having it in the house and to start learning its purpose.

I blame the rainy day on mine and Julian's constant mood swings today.  He was so moody at one point that he didn't even want to stay at playgroup more than an hour.  My mood was affected by the alarm system not working and having to speak to a technician while standing on a ladder stretching to the max to take the thing apart with a screwdriver and a butter knife (the tech's suggestion, not mine!)  The technician heard me panting (and maybe dropping a choice word or two) and asked "Is your husband taller than you? Can he do it?"  I responded, rather irritated, with "Just tell me what to do next!"

I can say that tonight I am in a great mood, thanks to Julian!  I record all of our favorite shows on the DVR and watch them when I can (commercial free, woo!)  Tonight I had American Idol on while I was folding laundry and the 60 year old veteran came on singing his song "Pants on the Ground".  Julian came busting out of his room, running around the corner, and started shaking his little booty, center stage (read: area carpet)!  He looked so let down when it ended, so I rewinded (rewound?) it...over and over and over again.  He couldn't get enough!  I took out the video camera but he refused to perform for it.  I skyped my father in law and he danced for him!  I will try the video camera again tomorrow night!  In case you missed it the other night, here is a video of the song:

Peak: Julian's great dance moves!

Pitt: The rollercoaster of emotions

Andrew Update: he called this morning because I had written him an email about my anxiety yesterday and he wanted to check up on me.  It was sweet of him to check in and I was definitely feeling less anxious than yesterday.  Also, I was just reading comments on my blog and saw one from him on the 'Poop and Tears' blog.  I guess I need to add it to this update since he did ask me too:

"I had anxiety poops too. Put that in your Andre update and smoke it."

So there you have it. Andre's update!

Anxiety

Abby seems to be feeling better but now it's my turn for anxiety.  I have had a nervous feeling in the pitt of my stomach all day and cannot, for the life of me, figure out why.  I have come up with a few possibilities to try to explain the anxiety:

1. All the recent crime in the area.
2. Realizing that January isn't even over yet and suddenly feeling the weight of the year ahead.
3. Lack of sleep due to my neighbor's new flood light that shines directly through my bedroom windows. (It's that bad-I feel like I am in the movie Lakeview Terrace).
4. Wondering all night how I was going to ask her to turn it off after 10pm due to the fact that she only speaks spanish.
5. Deployment. Enough said.

 I can say that I am feeling better this evening.  Not 100%, but better.  Melissa came over tonight with Aria and Nuri.  I used to nanny for Aria when we first moved here (she was only 9 months, she is almost 4 now).  Melissa and I have become good friends over the years.  We have decided to have Wednesday night dinners, switching houses each week.  It gives me something to look forward to each week.  A major plus: Julian has playmates (Nuri is only 5 months older) and I get to talk to an adult!

Finally, I want to say how proud I am of my friend Audrey! She opened her own wellness center (a dream of hers) this week.  As of right now, she provides Massage, Infant massage classes, and Itsy Bitsy Yoga (ages 6 weeks to 4 years) and Prenatal Yoga.  Julian will be starting yoga next week and I am particularly excited about prenatal yoga, as I believe it is the only class offered in the area.  There are instructors around, but no group classes.  I look forward to being pregnant again and taking yoga here!  Congratulations on your new center, Audrey.  If you want information, check out the Flourish Wellness Center page on facebook. 

Peak: Taking Julian to the park and seeing Melissa and the girls.

Pitt: Julian woke up at 6am craaaaannnkkkyyy.

Andrew Update: no phone call today (although he may have tried calling, but my phone stopped ringing after 1 1/2 rings and there was no message).  He did get to see all the pictures from the weekend and wrote me an email that said how much he loved them.  Also some boring emails about FRG questions that I needed answered.  After I wrote last night I think he butt dialed me on his Afghani cell phone.  I could hear people talking and moving around, but no Andre :(  What a tease!

Happy Day :)

I was awaken at 7:05am, not by Julian (he was still sleeping!) but by a phone call from Andrew!  What a beautiful voice to wake up to.  Julian woke up just before 7:30 and came running into my room.  He wasn't really interested in talking to Daddy, he had his focus on a cup of milk-straight away!

Julian started a Parents Morning Out program at church this morning.  The teachers said he behaved wonderfully and was an excellent example to the other children.  I thought maybe they had me confused for someone else and were telling me about someone elses child.  When I was walking out the door after dropping him off, I heard him slam his body in a fit against the door of his classroom.  So surely they couldn't have been talking about my son?  But sure enough, they were!  I am so pleased!

I had a nice break while he was at PMO.  I went to Walmart for a few things and came home to clean.  But then Andrew called on Skype!!  I talked to him for at least 45 minutes.  Cleaning can always wait, but seeing my amazing husband never can! 

Julian had another wonderful afternoon.  We went for a long walk in the neighborhood and we even met a new friend for Julian.  He is a 17 month old named Jayden.  They played outside with chalk and a football and there was NO fighting! They got along so well!

Peak: Getting to talk to Andrew-TWICE.
Pitt: Cleaning poo out of the garage after making sick Abby sleep out there all night.

Andrew Update: He looks and sounds great!  He has been very tired though.  Seeing him on Skype makes everything better :)

I have finally put some pictures of our weekend on the computer.  Here are a few to enjoy, the rest are on facebook.

Poop and Tears

We made it home safely from South Carolina this afternoon.  It was a very quiet afternoon/evening with just Julian and I.  Tonight is our first "normal" night since Andrew has left.  Normal as in "normal for the next year" meaning just Julian and I, 7:30 bedtime for him, and me sipping wine (and/or eating ice cream) while watching tv in an all too silent living room.  The only thing that made this day go a little haywire was the fact that Abby is having her "anxiety poops"--the big problem is that she never once asked to go outside to take care of business and instead took care of it twice in Julian's room and once in the living room.  Tonight I would like to thank God above for putting whoever invented the Bissell Spot Bot on this earth. 

Also, I would like to thank my sister who will be taking Abby off of my hands when I travel to Maine in June-she just isn't fully aware of it yet.  I'll get her back after Andrew comes home.  I don't think Andrew will like it very much if I do that though.  I have also considered the option of getting another, much calmer dog to give her someone to play with and learn some manners from.  Britt saw two miniature dachsunds the other day on a busy highway.  If we hadn't been going away that day, we would have definitely gone back to get them.  That would be perfect for Abby the psychopath, anxiety ridden, can't hold my poop in long enough to get to the door dog!  Again, Andrew probably wouldn't like that either.

I did shed quite a few tears today.  Not only every time Abby pooed inside my home, but once when Julian and I were sitting in chairs on the back porch just enjoying the beautiful 65 degree weather...in January!  It was one of those overwhelming moments that literally makes your heart hurt when thinking about how much you miss someone.  I would have given so much just to have him out there with us.  No matter what we are doing, I always feel like I am forgetting something.  Sitting outside I figured out what it was-the missing link to our family, Andre/Daddy.  50 more weeks, 22 more paydays, 350 days.

Peak: The weather and taking full advantage of it by relaxing on the porch and Julian's fabulous mood that lasted from the time we stepped in the door all the way until his head hit his pillow and he went right to sleep.
Pitt: Abby. Did I mention she started this crap (no pun intended) almost immediately after I gave her a bath and washed her favorite blanket?  Little shit (pun intended).

Andrew Update: I didn't get to talk to him today as I was driving home when he had free time.  He did talk to and Skype with Fred, Joan, Angela, Christine, and Isabella though.

"It gets funny..."

Today was a much dryer, warmer, and sunnier day.  It is January, but we went to the beach without jackets.  It was beautiful.  The kids had a lot of fun running around, and I only had to run into a wave once to save Julian the Brave.  I got some really great pictures of him and I can't wait to share them with Andrew.  He will be a little jealous I'm sure, but he will be glad to see his "little buddy" having so much fun.

The girls have been talking about "Blue Bell" ice cream since we got here.  I finally had some of that today...twice.  I definitely met my goal of having ice cream at least 4 times this week-in fact, I nearly doubled it!

Right now we are watching America's Sweethearts.  We wanted to watch another funny movie and since it started Kim has said "don't worry, it gets funny!"  It's a "cheesy" kind of funny and almost over I think. I'm not sure, I just can't pay attention anymore.  Clearly Kim can't either, she's been asleep on the couch for about 45 minutes!

I got to Skype with Andrew this morning.  Julian was up too (since 5:45am, ugh!!)  Skype was slow so I think Julian was a little confused as to why Andrew wasn't moving very quickly (especially since he is so used to watching the videos that Andrew made).  He got bored pretty quickly and went off to play.  He came back a couple of times to wave and he also said "Daddy" as clearly as he ever had.  I am so happy Andrew got to hear that, and he looked pretty happy to hear it too. 

Peak: Watching the boys run around on the beach (oh and my new boots that kept my feet dry!), but the boys can't really compare to new boots.
Pitt: The early wake up call per Julian

Andre Update:  He is back at his home base-Clark.  I am not sure how long he will be there for and even if I knew, I can't discuss movement for OPSEC and safety purposes.  He looks great and seems happy besides missing his family.  We love you and miss you so much babe!

Charleston = Wet

Our first day of seeing the Charm of Charleston was a good one, but a wet one.  It poured all day but
thatdidn't stop us from making the most of it.  We went to the marketplace in downtown, did a little shopping, a bit of oohing and aahing over the beautiful homes, and a whole lot of eating.

After finally giving in to the fact that we were freezing and wet (pruney fingers and all), we came straight home to Kim's Mom's house, changed right into dry, warm sweatpants, dove into the oversized, luxurious couches and have been here ever since (aside from the 100 times we had to separate the little monsters just before one took the other out).

Headed to bed now, it's been a long day!

Peak: Seeing Charleston
Pitt: I only brought flat shoes so my feet and pants were soaked to the knees.

Andre Update: I'm sorry to say I don't have one. No word today :(

So here we are!

We (Kim, Britt, Nathan, Noah, and Julian) made it safely to South Carolina.  I can also proudly say after three years of living in the south, I have finally tasted Sonic.  The verdict is...delicious!  Although, come to think of it, I love food of all kinds so I am not a very good critic.

This will be a short post tonight. I'm exhausted and Kim's computer is making me want to hit things.  I can't wait to see the charm of Charleston tomorrow!  Goodnight 'ya'll'!

Peak: Road Trip to South Carolina!
Pitt: Julian was supposed to start Parent's Morning Out at church this morning, but they forgot to put his name on the list and it was full.  It made me a little curious about organization, but I love my church so I am going to trust the program also!

Andrew Update: I got a quick phone call this morning.  I missed his first call due to the very annoying fact that TLC autowash now makes you vacuum out your own car after an oil change (they used to do it for you!)  If I hadn't been vacuuming, I would have heard the phone ring!  He did call an hour later so we got to talk!  Not long though, but I don't care, I still got to hear his voice.  He has a cell phone now that he can call home with, but it takes up a lot of minutes to call home, therefore all calls from his cell phone will be quick!

When life hands you lemons...

I have a new deployment goal.  When a friend asks to hang out or go on a weekend road trip, do it!  And say yes right away without any reservations! 

This week I have witnessed my friend Britt's spontaneity.  On Monday I called her at the last minute to go to Red Robin, she was there in minutes!  Tonight, Kim asked us to go over and watch the Bachelor. She was immediately all for it.  Before leaving Kim's, we asked her to join us on our weekend getaway to South Carolina, and again, without a doubt she was in.

 I often second guess myself on going out or going on trips.  I think of Julian and uprooting him. I think of how tired I am and how I just want to go to bed early (although here I am at 11:00pm again!)  And lately I have been thinking about how I need to get into a routine of being on my own.  I recently told my mom that I really need to get used to this whole deployment thing and doing everything myself.  It was the biggest part of why I didn't want to head to Maine.  I feel a little guilty for heading out to South Carolina, which has made me second guess my decision to go.  However, there is a big difference of going 3 hours south for a weekend compared to driving 2 days north for a couple weeks only to stress out about getting around to see everyone.  I want this deployment to go by quickly, I want to become more independent.  I can begin to accomplish that by being more spontaneous; by dropping everything to have a little fun and adventure.  I also can't continue to worry about Julian's routine.  I know deep down he is flexible and schedule aside, he absolutely loves seeing and doing new things!  Everytime we have a family outing, or even just go to the library, he always drops what he is doing for a second to run over and give me a hug and a kiss.  I feel like it his little way of letting me know he is having fun and is enjoying our outing.

That's my rambling for the night!  Thanks for listening (reading...whatever).

Peak: Having pizza and brownies and watching The Bachelor with Kim and Britt
Pitt: Day 2 of No Nap and No Andre Call

Andre Update: No phone call again today, but a nice email this morning.  Andrew is traveling between the 3 FOB's (forward operating base's) that his soldiers are stationed at.  I can tell you that he is not at his "home" FOB for the next couple of days.  He does still have access to email and phone, but he is what we call "The Man" so we can't expect to hear from him everyday :) 

The Next Best Thing...

Just as I was about to turn my computer off last night due to a "critical battery" I heard the best noise in the world (Julian's giggle and Andrew's voice aside).  It was the wonderful world of Skype calling me, and on the other end was ::pause for dramatic effect::  Andre!  It was very slow, but I got to see his lovely face and even many beautiful smiles.  I really needed to see that he was doing well, especially with all that has happened since he left.    The feed was painfully slow, but not enough to keep me away.  I can't wait until we can find a time to skype while Julian is awake.  He loves the videos Andrew made for him before he left.  We watch them often. So often in fact, I can recite entire fables and stories.  It was something I had hoped I wouldn't be able to do for a few more months, but trust me, I have no problem letting J watching them as often as often as he would like.

Onto to today's events...crap, what did I do today?  Oh! I got a ticket to the red carpet premiere of Dear John on Fort Bragg.  Nicholas Sparks, Channing Tatum, and Amanda Seyfried will all be there.  This is like the next best thing to being famous right? 

I didn't really do anything else exciting other than go to the orthodontist (wooo).  But when Julian attempted his nap today (and failed miserably), I let him out of his room after an hour of trying only to realize he had taken off all of his clothes!  He was working on his diaper when I walked in and just started laughing hysterically!  After catching his breath my little streaker baby ran through the house to wake up Memere from her nap.  I got see Kim and Audrey for a few minutes today too.  Always perks in my book!

Finally, because I'm a dork and I think about blogging before I go to sleep, last night I decided to add a peak (the best part of my day) and pitt (the worst part of my day) to the end of each blog, in addition to Andrew updates.  I may repeat something I already said (with much less detail of course) but you'll learn to deal.  So here is the start:

Peak: Getting a ticket to the red carpet premier of Dear John.
Pitt: Julian didn't take a nap.

Andre Update: No word today, only skype last night.  He looks and seems well.  Gosh is he handsome!

PS. After mom leaves I will probably be heading to bed earlier, at which point I will have the time to spice up my blogs more with pictures and more fun!

No Sleep

Julian was up for most of the night last night.  I finally turned in at 11:30, only to hear him screaming at his bedroom door a half hour later.  I knew that his cry meant he was having bad dreams and would not go back to sleep on his own.  So, I did something we very rarely do (but admittedly have started to do more often)-I put him in bed with me.  He woke up every 10-20 minutes crying, whimpering, and even screaming once-the highest pitched scream I have ever heard come out of him.  It made my heart race for about 10 minutes.  A few times he put his hands up toward the ceiling fan and yelled "no! no! no!"  I think he was delusional.  Maybe he thought the fan was going to fall on him? (I've done that in my sleep...don't judge.)  At 4:30 he decided it would be a good time to end the night terrors and just get up for the day.  I tried so hard to get him to go back to sleep, and then I tried even harder just to get him to lay in bed and watch TV (ha!).  All he wanted to do was hand me my water glass, throw my cell phone at me, put on my glasses, play with his monitor, the list of annoyances goes on...I was doomed.  Until 6:30 anyway, when I decided that I couldn't keep my eyes open another minute.  That's when I took him to wake up his Memere and let her (ok begged her) to take him and let me go back to sleep.  Everytime he has done this, I have had help.  He did it exactly a week ago when I was at Kim's recovering from our loss.  MiMi was there to rescue me (and she even offered!)  And before that, Andrew was here so we could at least take turns sleeping.  Mom goes home at the end of the week and when this happens again, I have no one to help.  So this is single parenthood.  Thumbs down to that.  Is it 2011 yet??

No word from Andrew today.  Booo.

**Positive Note: After a much needed nap (for everyone), we went out to dinner and Julian actually sat still, ate his dinner, and behaved!!  Believe it!

Manic Monday

The title pretty much sums it up, today was b.u.s.y.  But the good news for you is that busy days come with interesting stories and personal accomplishments.  Even better news (or worse, depending on how you see it), is that I get it to share it with you!

Julian had a follow up appointment for a staph infection he had a couple of weeks ago.  I obediently followed Clark Clinic's strict "be there 15 minutes early so we can laugh at you while you wait for 2 hours with your toddler who is getting dangerously close to naptime" rule.  I met some very interesting people within that time.  The first, a mother whose daughter is also named Julian and who had no problem disclosing every symptom her daughter has had in the past 2 weeks resulting in her desperate trip to the doctor.  My initial instincts were to a). feel bad for the mother because she clearly needed someone to talk to and b). feel terrible for little female Julian who has had flourescent snot of all colors of the rainbow coming out of every hole in her face including her ears.  But when said mother told her poor little female Julian to share her Lucky Charms with my Julian, my next instinct was RUN AwAY.....
(Like that effect? It's us running away...get it? Anyway...)

Apparently everyone around me was beginning to feel like we were a family since we had been glued to the same seats for so long, because a well meaning old lady (who literally chased her doctor down the hall and insisted she needed to be seen first due to a recent hospitalization and white puss coming from a sore on her thigh...hey if I had to hear it, so did you) started asking each and everyone of us why we were there.  Voila! A new friend for female Julian's mommy! Perfect.

Finally, I watched a four year old come out from vaccinations with her Dad and a beloved sticker.  She sat down next to her mom who was waiting, began to throw an all out tantrum (which I try not to judge because it is almost guaranteed to happen to every one of us who have children at some point) only to be soothed by...a BOTTLE of chocolate milk! A four year old with a bottle! Time for a sippy cup my friends, she's about to go to Kindergarten!  So now I judge...I've become a judging parent.

There were many other busy parts to my day including an FRG meeting.  All other events were pretty uneventful and the meeting was bittersweet.  I didn't ask any of the Delta wives to attend and I definitely made the right decision because the meeting was 100% about the redeployment (which is the army's stupid term for 'homecoming') of two other batteries in our batallion who are returning home soon.  I am so happy for my friends whose husbands are coming home, it is such a wonderful, happy, and relieving time.  But at the same time, I am still a full year (ok, 51 weeks) away from that time in my life and it gets a little depressing to think about.

To end on a positive note though, I remembered to put the trash at the top of the driveway to be picked up this morning! Bonus: I even dragged the heaviest bag of yardwork ever to the top of the driveway to also be picked up.  There is still another bag of yardwork to be heaved up there but I know my crap trash service with their continuously rising prices will only pick up one bag a week.  My gripe about how I live "outside of city limits" and therefore don't get to take part in the city's recycling program will need to be saved for another day.

Andre Update: No word today. Not even a stinking email. 

Date Night & Deployment Goals

It's been a week.  A long, drawn out, boring week.  I felt like the walls were closing in on me today and I had a bad case of the grumps.  I called on Kim for a date to dinner and Britt and Caryn joined us also.  How refreshing.  I feel better already! 

Now that I am renewed, I have made a mental list of deployment goals--which will no longer be a mental list but a real, live, blog list because I am about to reveal. Drum roll please...

1. Eat at least 4 bowls of Breyer's Cookie Dough Ice Cream each week.
            --This accomplishes 2 things: (1) fattening me up and (2) teaching me to scoop my own ice cream.  Andrew usually does it because I always get sticky ice cream on my knuckles.  He will be so proud when he comes home!

2. Take my many friends up on their many offers to watch Julian. 
           --I would like to go out in the evening at least once a month.  I know this sound like a small feat, but it is a huge step for me.  Maybe we will up it to twice a month later on, but let's face it, I love that baby.

3. Enroll Julian in Parent's Morning Out at church on Friday's and actually bring him.
          --I will use this time to clean and organize my house, grocery shop, or just be selfish and take a nap.  Although, I don't think it's being selfish if it helps to reenergize me and refresh me.  Also, Julian will get to be a part of a regular playgroup that has a small christian curriculum and snacks!

4. Treat myself to a GPS and a new Coach bag that can double as a diaper bag.
          --The goal here is not necessarily to treat myself, but to treat myself and not feel guilty about it!

This is all I have so far, but I am sure more will come.  For now, signing off until anymore brilliant ideas enter my brilliant mind!  Goodnight!

PS. Andrew update: He made it out of BAFF finally! Things are looking up!

Country Store & Advent Angels

Kim and MiMi dragged me out to the 'Country Store' today (seriously, I went kicking and screaming...).  I can't even tell you what town we were in, but I can tell you that it is the most deceiving little store.  From the outside, it looks like satan has left his mark like a dog would leave its mark on a tree.  On the inside, it has been touched by grace and is heaven on earth.  After leaving and spending money I swore I wouldn't spend, the outside was suddenly looking up-and I mean that in a literal sense; it no longer looked as though the roof was about to hit the ground at any second.

Julian refused to nap this afternoon which really isn't much of a surprise anymore.  So when mom and I took him to evening mass tonight, he slept through more than half of it.  Throughout advent, we were assigned a family to pray for each day.  After mass tonight we had dinner in the social hall and a chance to meet our 'advent angel' that we prayed for.  This is the second year in a row that we have done this, and also the second year in a row that my advent angel wasn't there.  We still had a great time as Julian was fully refreshed after his nap (and after two full plates of spaghetti, a breadstick, and God only knows how many brownies my mom snuck him).  He danced to the children's choir while they sang songs like 'O Come All Ye Faithful' (not very upbeat, but good enough for J!), 'Go Tell It On The Mountain', and his favorite, 'Joy To The World'.  I officially saw the first signs of my baby boy becoming a Ladies Man tonight as he danced, waved, hugged, and batted his eyes at every single woman he could get to pay attention to him in the social hall.  Daddy would be so proud!

Movie Night

Tonight was our first official movie night of the deployment.  The word 'official' is used quite loosely here as we did very little movie watching (ok, we never even actually put a movie in) and instead drank wine, some mixed coffee drinks courtesy of my Mom, and ate the always delicious 'moakey-wamos' made by bff Kim, made famous by Kim's mother in law MiMi.  I am not sure if I can give away the secret to these moakey-wamos so you will just have to use your imagination. All I can say is that they are just decadent.  Britt also came over, and we all had a wonderful time sitting around the table talking, enjoying our treats, and watching on as Memere (my mom), and MiMi attempted to play Mario Kart with some serious language fouls.

Andrew also called tonight and sounded well again, except for a few snotty sniffles.  I hope he isn't getting another cold, he just got over two in a row before he left.  He should finally be done traveling in the next couple of days and start to get settled at his FOB (Forward Operating Base).  I also learned that he will have a government cell phone that he can buy minutes for and use to call home, and even better, I can call him!  I am sure I won't be calling often, but it is relieving just to know that the option is there in the event of an emergency.

Finally, I informed my mom today that I do not want to go home with her for a little while.  I know she really wanted me to and she has not held back in expressing her dissapointment.  The guilt is a little tough to take in and I still have a lot of healing to do.  So my plan is to not argue with her and try to ignore the guilt while I continue to deal with my grief and frustration over this recent loss.  I feel very comfortable in my own environment and would like to stay close to it.  I do feel like I will need to get away in a few weeks and I have been planning on going to my Aunt Karen's house since before the deployment.  Her house is comfortable and relaxing and only 4 hours away.  It is much less stress than driving for 2 days, running around like crazy to see everyone, and then driving 2 days home.  My plans to have a baby this year may have dramatically changed, but I would still like to keep my travel plans and the rest of my life as planned.  I will visit in Maine in march, via air travel, and then for about 5 weeks in May-June for birthdays and weddings-just as planned! 

I may have lost a lot this week, but I will not give up my strength and independence.  I know what is right for me, and I will do what is right for me.

"Hi Daddy!"

Andrew made several videos for Julian before leaving for Afghanistan.  He read over 20 stories (some of which Julian also stars in; assisting in the reading and page turning), and one of the videos is just him and Julian playing and goofing around.  We have watched a couple of videos each day and Julian absolutely loves it!  If he is in a bad mood, he is instantly refreshed.  If he is tired and ready for bed, he is instantly calmed down.  The best part about the videos is that Julian sits (Yes! He sits!) on the floor or the couch and waves at the TV with big smiles and even bigger giggles.  He also holds his 'Daddy Doll' and kisses it everytime I say "give Daddy a kiss."  My mom has also been teaching him to blow kisses...but that's still a work in progress!

On a completely different note, I talked to Andrew this morning.  He sounded much better than he has in the past couple of days.  To know that he is healing will allow me to heal much faster.  I just can't wait until he is finally settled at his FOB (Forward Operating Base) and has his internet hooked up.  It is very strange not knowing where he is, when he is traveling, and having absolutely no idea when or if I will get to talk to him.  At least when he is settled in I will have an idea of what he is doing for work and his phone calls, emails, and skype "usage" will be a little more predictable. But mostly I can't wait for the next 360 days to be over.  My countdown is on days and weeks, while Kim's is on paydays.

360 Days, 51 1/2 Weeks, 23 Paydays

365 Days of Blogging

Technically it will only be 362 days of blogging since we are already a few days into this deployment. And technically I can't take the credit for this idea. My best friend (read bff) Kim, whose husband also just deployed, decided to blog for the next year and I agree that it is a wonderful way to let it all out, keep busy, and keep others updated.  I tried to start a blog (and stopped (ahem, failed) just over a year ago.  All previous blogs were written under the blog title "Confessions of a Desperate Housewife", which explains a lot of my ranting.  Life is forever changing, and here we are.  One year later and facing a year long deployment.
And with that, I begin...

I wish I could say this deployment is off to a good start, but we have already experienced tragedy. It seems that everytime a loved one leaves us for a period of time, something immediately goes wrong. After losing our baby at 8 weeks pregnant the day after sending my husband off to war, it seems that the flat tires and broken garbage disposals are entirely insignifcant. I learn just how much strength is in me with each passing day and I am forever grateful to God for guiding me through this very difficult time in our lives. I am also thankful for the many friends and family that have given me their support and prayers. My mom flew in yesterday and has been here helping with Julian, the five loads of laundry I managed to hoard in our closets, and making delicious dinners.
The healing and grieving process is underway. I still have moments of great sadness and beginning today, moments of great anger, but with all of this support and by the grace of God, I will be back to my witty self in no time and these blogs should be much, much more uplifting. Until then, I leave with these loving words to our angel...
Sweet Child,

God loved you so much, he wanted to keep you to himself. Watch over Daddy and keep him safe. You are his new guardian Angel. Until we meet in heaven dear one, I will always hold a special place in my heart for you.