I love coming home. I get so excited to come that time seems to slow down in the days leading up to my trip. The problem is that I think I set my expectations a little high and I always think things will be different. I am constantly running around to see everyone as my mom and step dad, dad, inlaws, grandparents and big sister D all live within a 10 mile radius of eachother. I honestly think it would be easier getting to see everyone if they lived further apart (I could visit with one each day and just rotate), but I feel the pull from everyone to see us (J and I) as much as possible. It gets harder when I try to keep Julian on a normal schedule to allow him to nap and go to bed at his regular times. Everyone says they understand that I have a lot of people to visit with, yet I am constantly being made to feel as though I am not doing a good enough job seeing everyone as much as they would like. Oh, and let's not even go down the road where I want to see my friends. It's like I am cheating on my family by using up the small amount of spare time I have to see them. I hate being dramatic like this, but today was one of those days where I was reminded that this constant running will never change, nor will the fact that I cannot please everyone. The only thing that can change is being made to feel like crap about it, and that's on them, not on me. (I love you all, but please be a little more careful with how you react to how I am spending my time here. I am doing my best.)
I have also come to the conclusion today that J is just about done with naps. I really hoped this day wouldn't come until he was 12 (ha!) but it has arrived. It just isn't worth the fight anymore. Today he ended up falling asleep on the couch with me after playing with cousin C's Leap Frog computer. I'd prefer the 2 hours of cuddle time vs. the 2 hours of alone time anyway. It was a nice feeling to know that I didn't need to go anywhere or do anything-because I literally could not, since he was asleep right on top of me. It was a wonderful time of relaxation and snuggles (a little sweaty, but cute nonetheless!)
Peak: Cuddling with J and making homemade playdough with him this evening.
Pitt: Really missing Andre during my moment of frustration from everything hitting me at once (guilt for not seeing everyone, everyday, frustration with an overtired baby who would not nap in his crib...which ultimately led to my peak! Irony.)
Andre Update: He is away so his Skype isn't working well, but we got to chat for awhile. It was kind of part of my frustration since we were chatting online while the meltdowns were happening, but at the same time a blessing to be able to vent to him. Cannot believe we have 10 more months...ughhhhh
2 comments:
Sorry yesterday was so rough for you and you are feeling bad for not getting to everyone. The ironic thing is that those feelings actually came on a day that you didn't go anywhere....(i know you get what i'm sayin!) Love you so much and had tons of fun today, which I am sure will soon follow in the next blog post:) Too bad J and 'I' don't get along as good as we had hoped, so either she is gonna have to put on some weight and hold her own, or C and me will just have to come visit by ourselves sometime and really knock that boy around
That must be so frustrating to try and have a good time and make it around to see everybody you want to. That is how I have felt when Zach has had to go away for army stuff than comes back. Everyone expects us to go see them. Luckly for us it only lasts a couple of weeks though. I hope you have a stress free rest of your vacation!
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